Put Some Effort Into It

If I'm going to be depressed, I might as well put a little effort in it and make it something worth reading.
This is the year of great changes, the first african american president.....ahha okay not exactly that epic. But my life has done a 360 and it's getting me down.

I go day through day with a heavy load on my chest and it's weighing me down, to the point where I have no motivation. It leaves me feeling like I should go run and hide under a rock untill the world ends or untill everything bad goes away, which ever one comes first. Sadly at this point I feel like the world ending is closer than all my problems going away.

For countless nights now I have to admit I've wished and thought maybe it'd be better if I just didn't wake up in the morning. Luckily or unforunately that wish has not come true yet.

I am stuck in a rut and I just feel helpless. It's like I'm drowning, endlessly and I can't die, but at the same time I can't get out. The irony of everything, I can't cry but thats the thing I want to do the most. If only I could cry, maybe I'd feel normal again.

At the same time I have no one there for me...no one cares or notices. It hurts, especially at a time like this when I need support the most and I look around, just to find strangers who could care less.

I want to leave this place desperately, but at the same time I'm scared to leave, because what if life is like this for me no matter where I go. A lonely, unliked life. Where I can't make any social connections with anyone, because no one wants to give me a chance. Apparently my carefree fun personality is suppose to pour out of my ass so I can dance around like a stupid monkey for these strangers. Nope, I think not, unlike some people I need a little time. To settle to get to know them better.

Whatever who cares at this point. and sadly i know the answer to that is no one.